Helping Children Manage Anger
Tuesday, May 12, 2009 Posted by Felicia
It feels like today, more than ever, children are dealing with serious anger issues younger and younger. There are many reasons why this is happening. I could probably be writing about them all for days, but some of the key issues are: family issues, pressure in school, friends and peer pressure. Sometimes a combination of all of these can lead to some pretty frustrate
d and angry kids! There are some steps you can take to help your child through this. Of course this goes without saying, but just in case: These tips should never override the advice or instructions of your child's medical or mental health physician. If you have concerns about your child's anger please contact your child's doctor.
First, it is important that the child is able to identify the feeling and know what it "looks" like and "feels" like. Maybe their heart starts to race or maybe they start to feel their body grow tense. If they know how it looks, chances are they will have a better chance of controlling it before it gets completely out of hand.
Secondly, make sure you are modeling the behavior you wish to see from your child. A lot of times we don't have to look much further than ourselves. Once your child has had an outburst, make sure you talk to them calmly about why that wasn't an appropriate way to handle the situation and some ways that might have been better. You could even role play the situation so that they feel more comfortable.
After they know what they are looking for, maybe try some of these strategies to keep the anger safe. These all would need to be discussed with your child BEFORE they are angry.
d and angry kids! There are some steps you can take to help your child through this. Of course this goes without saying, but just in case: These tips should never override the advice or instructions of your child's medical or mental health physician. If you have concerns about your child's anger please contact your child's doctor.First, it is important that the child is able to identify the feeling and know what it "looks" like and "feels" like. Maybe their heart starts to race or maybe they start to feel their body grow tense. If they know how it looks, chances are they will have a better chance of controlling it before it gets completely out of hand.
Secondly, make sure you are modeling the behavior you wish to see from your child. A lot of times we don't have to look much further than ourselves. Once your child has had an outburst, make sure you talk to them calmly about why that wasn't an appropriate way to handle the situation and some ways that might have been better. You could even role play the situation so that they feel more comfortable.
After they know what they are looking for, maybe try some of these strategies to keep the anger safe. These all would need to be discussed with your child BEFORE they are angry.
- Breathe and Think Before You React: So many times what gets us in the most trouble is when we act out of impulse. Teach your child to start to count to 10 in their minds before reacting to the situation. Breathing is the key here.
- Blow Bubbles: That's right! Your child can't blow bubbles without deliberately breathing!
- Take a Walk: Have your child get away from the situation so that his mind can stop racing and he can be a more logical thinker. Of course, make sure he knows his boundaries, safe places to get away to and has an adult near by.
- Journal or Write a Letter: Sometimes keeping a journal can really let your child express feelings in a more open manner. It is easier to write and get ideas down before talking to a person so that there are no "explosions".
- Find a Trusted Adult: If the anger outbursts are happening at school, try to find an adult that works there whom the child trusts. Sometimes if the child knows they have a safe place to go and knows they are free to leave they have an easier time controlling themselves. A parent conference at your child's school would probably be a good idea if this is the case.
How about your family? What are the strategies you use to try and maintain a healthy balance when it comes to anger?
May 12, 2009 2:20 AM
This is an awesome post, Felicia! Wonderful tips-I love the blowing bubbles tip! Very smart!
May 12, 2009 6:09 AM
Very good post. My 2 older kids do not get mad often they get upset. It is the youngest who throws her tantrums. Great advise for me to keep in mind for when my kids do get angry.
May 12, 2009 8:11 AM
Such a great post! I have always said in my house "it's not okay to hit but it is okay to be angry or upset with someone".
I have always allowed my children to verbally express their anger or frustrations and we communicate a lot in our house.
I think leaving the conversation open so that children can talk to you as a parent and confide in you how they are feeling, they will better handle their emotions!
May 12, 2009 8:52 AM
You are right about seeing anger issues in younger kids. My one-year-old niece hit her other aunt in the back of the head with a toy when she didn't get her own way. I was shocked...she's 1! Sure she was acting out of frustration, but I question where she learned to express her anger with violence. Thanks for the tips!
May 12, 2009 3:30 PM
Thanks for posting this. It's very helpful. I love the tips.
Mother's day for me was just another day. The dh didn't forget though, he wished me a happy one and went off to his own thing lol.
Maybe next time I'll take the iniative to get myself a pedi or a book :)
I hope yours was lovely.
May 12, 2009 5:59 PM
May 12, 2009 7:10 PM
Taking a breath is the best advice. I need to remember that one!!
Lots of exciting things going on here:)
May 14, 2009 4:48 PM
Great post! :) I love the idea of having the kids blow bubble when they're ticked off LOL I wonder if I can tell my husband to go blow bubbles too...??? :)
May 15, 2009 11:57 PM
Nice techniques. I'm lucky that I haven't had any anger issues with my kids, yet. I do have a friend, though, that is having anger issues with her daughter. They're Hindi and her daughter is being ostracized at school. She's nine so there's that pre-teen stuff going on with the girls too. Maybe the final two bits will help!
June 2, 2009 5:08 PM
This is a great topic. Our son seems to be an overly emotional and sometimes angry child. I'm sure a lot of it stems from him being labeled as the "nerdy kid".